my life

Friday, Dec. 07, 2001 : 11:23 am
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKING SHIT!!!

Okay I don't know how to go about my current "problem"

Please give me your opinion...

Okay I thought I had steered clear of the mother wagon (with my mom) and having to see her, which I don't want because I'm still peeved with her.

So she called me yesterday and wanted to go to lunch, and I said NO. because I didn't take a lunch yesterday really. Except to go grab food and come right back to work.

Well, she called me last night around like 5:30 and asked if I wanted to go to dinner. Well the answer ladies and gentleman, is HELL NO. Because she is only trying to take me to dinner to make herself feel better about not letting me borrow money. Well, that's all well and good, but that isn't the only issue at hand here.

I am not going to let her go on and on and harp and bitch and moan about how she has to spend money on us kids who should be standing on our own two fucking feet and then go to dinner with her and have spend money on me that way. NOPE. Sorry. You will no longer be able to make me feel guilty about asking you for something. EVER. I'm gonna help you not spend money on this kid. Forget it.

So I made up an excuse (actually at the time it wasn't an excuse becaue I really was waiting) and said that I was waiting to see when Tamarra and Tim were getting home from Austin to go to dinner for his birthday. (I didn't know they didn't go to Austin just the Northside of Houston) so she said okay and hung up.

I thought I was in the clear. Nope.

She called me back about 30 mins. later and asked how long I was going to wait on them. ?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry what??? Until I get so ravigingly (sp?) hungry that I eat something small and wait some more especially if that is what my plans were. Then my sink was stopped up with shit in it and I had to wait on the maintenance guy to come and unclog the damn thing. (He had already come at this point & this is where I started to dodge the dinner date) and so she goes, well okay, and so because at this point I start to feel bad, (she is really a master in the art of guilting and minupulating someone) and I tell her," Why don't we do it tomorrow night?"

So then she said okay, and followed it up with, "Maybe I'll spend the night" that just pissed me off cause what she is doing is tryiing to prove a point that she isn't welcome at our apartment and then she'd try and pull some shit on me about that.

I'm tired of feeling like she doesn't get the picture. Because in all reality, she doesn't.

I'm still peeved about a lot of things that I have never had the guts to bring to her attention. And I need to but I just don't know how to go about doing it.

I need to get off my chest that she really pissed me off the day that she told me she didn't really like Justen or care for him and then still had him serving her all night and day long. That is what pissed me off. He's not good enough to like but he's good enough to have doing all her shit.

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I just got back from having lunch with my mother.

OH MY GOD, I WISH I COULD RIP OUT MY HAIR. She does't fucking seem to realize that once you are a certain age...most of us that is around 18-21 years of age, that you no longer "spend the night" with your children or what have you unless you're especially planned something like an outing. or possibly dinner and you get back really late. But no. She thinks that she can just call me and say, well I'm spending the night and it be okay. And if I say anything in contrary to that, then I am making her feel unwelcomed. WELL TOO FUCKING BAD!!!

But no. I am not strong enough of a person to say anything to her. Because I am a pussy.

I just am so mad at her still for saying that about Justen and then having him do shit for her like feed her damn cats and he does it no problem and that is mainly why its tense for me.

That and I don't feel like I can be myself around her. She picks at me constantly. I feel like a 5 year old. I want her to hurry and get this house that she wants to rent and that way she will not bother me. EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT SHE WILL LIVE ONLY LIKE 2-3 Blocks AWAY!!!!!!!!!! I am not happy.

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