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Wednesday, Oct. 17, 2001 : 1:19 pm
Thank you for calling Hell, my name is sophia, how can I help you???
This is something that I wrote around 9 am this morning and couldn't get online to post so now I'm posting it. Sadly I think things like this every damn day... wanting to be let go is a crummy feeling. Not let go by loved ones or anything terrible like that, but by your employer. To want to be in a mild accident just so you can go home afterwards and go back to sleep is a sad and PATHETIC way of thinking. But it is the way it goes for me alas. Really it is. Is the lazy bug festering in my bones??? Or is it the point of not wanting to be asked if I have fucking COTTON in my ears. Am I being PETTY??? I could ask the same thing half the time to these people here but I realize that its not cotton blocking my words and requests that are blocked off so often, but the practice of ignoring me that is going on. So it sucks, I can't blame it on fluffy white fibers which can provide soft, warm comfort goodness. I just have to accept that unwanted feeling I get so often here. I hate getting up in the morning. I wanted to just call in and tell them how I felt like shit. Cause I DO! I wouldn't be lyiing you know. When I wake up in the morning the the alarm and realize its NOT just a dream, but a nightmarish reality, I HAVE BEGUN TO HYPERVENTILATE at times. (Not really but dammit I feel it coming on at times) And its not really work that I dispise so much. Its the place and people. Only one person actually. My boss. I've only worked here for 8 months and I can't take it much longer. I feel like I'm going to break sometimes. Like my breaking point is coming near and hurtling fast. I wish Justen had another job so that I could just tell them I quit and then have a few days off and then get another job. But the thing is, is that no one is going to hire a pregnant girl. They say they don't and can't discriminate but they all do. So its just back on the grindstone every morning. I get up, pop in my contacts with my dry flaky hands that feel like they are going to crack into little pieces, and I get out my headgear. I am in power with that thing. I helps me to shake off rude fuckin' comments that are enough to make me normally throw darts from my eyes. It helps me smile and grit my teeth at the obvious seething hatred that my boss has for me 98% of the time. I am aboe to just slightly wince and cover it up with a laugh that has underlying poison and venem to spit at the short and stumpy man who thinks its still acceptable in the year 2002 to say racial slurs whenever he deems appropriate. I almost vomited one day, that is how sick it makes me to hear him say it. He says it with such force and hatred. GROSS. It is disgusting how Freedom of Speech at its greatest display, is abused and shit on. Anyways, so that is what i wrote and I am stopping now. I get off in 2 hours. THANK THE LORD.
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