my life

2001-08-16 : 11:21 a.m.
Just help me.

I had decided how much of a great entrance that would make into the entry today when I almost killed myself sneezing this morning. I Thought: " I am going to write that down. " cause I seriously almost did.

I am wearing platform clogs and they slip off my feet pretty easily and I sneezed a good and loud, hearty sneeze and almost commited accidental homicide against myself. YIKES! No wonder Japanese people are banned from wearing them driving. DANGER! CAUTION!!

Anyways, I am cool as a cucumber. At least I tried to be today when one of our superintendants looked at my belly from the side and just looked like he was intensly thinking about something by the way his eyes were squinted. It wasn't a glare or a mean look, but a quite serious face. of Deep thought.

so I asked him," WHat?"

and he said," Nothin'"

and I said," okay"

and then he said, " Just lookin' "

and so I said, " Yeah, I'm hot"

and he goes," Yeah, no kiddin'"

But it was weird, like, you know what it sounds like when you're being hit on don't you girls/women/ladies? and it was not that. It was just said like a fact or something. No big deal. I was flattered though. Very sweet. He has a daughter around my age. All the superintendents and guys that work here do. So they just treat me like I'm their kid. Awww Thats all I need is 5 or 6 dads tellin' me what to do.

Then yesterday these two firemen dudes said hi and kept asking me how I was doing. Fine, Hi, bye, and I left. I am new to this compliments thing. I know people say pregnant women have a glow but I seriously don't believe I have one. I have the glow of I didn't wash my face or brush my teeth or hair and I threw on clothes that didn't smell too bad, and I probably forgot to put on deodorant. Thanks you have a nice day too.

I look like shit everyday. BUT!! I am comfortable. Justen says I look pretty and gorgeous and all those nice things he can pull out of his ass. But I know he means it when he calls me his WORK OF ART. He is incredible. There is no one like him. and I know he is the ONE for me only. and vice versa. I love him.

____________________________________________

I went to Justens parents yesterday and the electricity was out and we just sat there for like an hour and just talked. It was really cool. I enjoyed it emmensly. (Seriously) I don't know but his parents come off to me as just caring a great deal and so when they mention something like being worried or options of something to do and they mention something about me and Justen and the baby it doesn't come off as nagging. I listen to them because it comes off as they actually care and are concerned and love us.

Now when my mom says something she just sounds like she is nagging me. Because she doesn't talk about doing anything for the baby like Cathy does. Like Cathy is making a scrapbook and she talks about how it was when Justen was born and how hard it was and just shares with me about her experience and so I feel like she is genuinely interested in me and what's going on. My mom just brings up stuff like bills and getting on track and how one day I am going to wake up and the car will be gone and that me and Justen are just 20 and 21 and just nag nag nag.

She never says anything about missing me and being excited about the baby, or anything, just that a proper grandmother can't just run off to Africa without seeing the baby and I just see that as," well, I have already been detained an extra 3 weeks and I guess I will stay and see it."

If I ask her what it was like when we were born she just has always just said, " Oh well you all were always so good,"

Could you elaborate on that? What was it like to have Alex and look at him for the first time and smell him and kiss him and feed him and hold him and change him and love on him? What was it like??? Was it hard? Were you exhausted? Please tell me.

Are you excited at all? Are you going to miss me and the baby at all? Will you think of us often? Do you have any hopes? DO you look forward to anything?

I mean Cathy and TJ talk about little stuff like that. She gives me stuff that I need. Like little stuff that I can't just go droppin' money for. Like she gave me panies lastnight. THANK GOD. Cause I am getting to where my undies are getting tight and uncomfortable. and they are just THERE. I know that if I call them I can talk to them and won't hear," Hurry I gotta go"

I want to scream to my mother: " GET INVOLVED and try to let me know that you love me"!!!

BYE!

< < now > >