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2001-08-10 : 11:45 a.m.
I feel grrrreat!
Well, me and Justen went on Wed. to my doctors appt. I'm so glad I didn't get my hopes up on what it would be (besides the obvious choice of, thats right JUNE! Ding ding ding!!! A BABY!!) But she said that she will be able to tell next time.It was real neat. When I would talk to Justen the baby would roll and move. That is so fantastic I have to tell you. I was all smiles. My belly is getting bigger and I get a little bit uncomfortable sitting some of the ways that I used to fold myself into because my belly seems to be getting in the way a bit. But not too much. I was weighed at the doctor and they said that I gained 6 pounds. So if I gain 6 pounds a month than thats only 30 more pounds. A WHOPPING 181 will be my ending weight. (I'LL BE A COW!) Oh well whatever. I just want to hold the baby on my lap and stare into its eyes and smell their neck and give it kisses and blow in their face and watch it hold its breath and bat its eyes look a bit confused. I can't believe I'm going to be a mommy!! I know its going to be so beautiful boy or girl. Doesn't matter. I want it to be here so I can gaze at it for hours. I want to see Justen hold the baby and how he won't be able to breathe because he's so smitten and taken aback by the unbeknownst love and affection and explosive urges to cry on a whim when the baby squirms and wriggles around and rolls. Because I bet Justen doesn't think he's going to cry. I bet he doesn't want to cry. I bet he will cry. I'll bawl like a baby cause I know that if I cry at Hallmark commercials and cards, this is going to need a huge sheet to absorb all my tears of happiness and joy. I want to feel the baby naked against my squishy tummy and smell the rose scent that the baby has soaked into its skin. Because I think all the pain in the world and universe and the labor will be well worth it, when I get to smell that smell. and to smell the sweet smell of breastmilk on the breath of Justen and I's child is going to make me cry. In the moments of me being alone with the baby I know I am just going to cry. Cause I want to cry now. I would cut off my own legs with a hack saw if it meant my baby would be born big and chunky and healthy and beautiful. (It will be beautiful anyway. Go look at my pics page at my honeys Tom Cruise pic. How can he contribute to something and have it be ugly? It can't happen cause he's too much of a perfect being.) My man. My honey bear. My kissy. Mine. My all and more. The love of my life and father of my baby(s).
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